This is something I started working on whilst at work yesterday. I figure since I'm not going to publish it I might as well post it up here and fulfil my obligation to post original material. I think it's actually pretty funny... but that's just me.
The alarm goes off at 5:30 in the morning every damn day. Why do I set it that early? I never get up right when the alarm goes off, snooze. 5:40, 5:50, finally I roll out of bed and start getting ready. I set my stereo to shuffle and hop in the shower. Free bird starts playing… awesome. Now I can actually time how long it takes me to get ready. A song that is almost exactly ten minutes long is the perfect measurement of any activity. I get out of the shower in half a Free bird. I’m able to shave, brush my teeth, throw some gel in my hair and put on some pit juice in the other half. Damn I’m good this morning. I spend the rest of my pre morning checking emails, and scoping out videos online. 6:30 comes around and it’s time for me to be on my way.
I’m out the door with my coffee in one hand and my keys in the other. I struggle to get my bag over my shoulder without spilling my java. Success! Get in the car and start the engine. It’s a bit chilly outside so I turn on my defrost and take this opportunity to select my playlist for the commute to work. And I’m off. I hit the road like I’m out for vengeance. Speed up, slow down, speed up, slow down, STOP! Damn traffic jam on the freeway, exactly what I was trying to avoid. It’s a snails pace, nowhere to go except where you already are. I finish my coffee and my bladder starts to play games with me. Hurry… move… are you kidding me?... why did you let him in?... DRIVE! You have room! What are you waiting for?! GO!!!
Finally I get to work. Everything is going to be fine, just another eight hours and I get to go home.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, August 3, 2008
The awakening
The past couple of weeks have been crazy.
I woke up one night coughing up a storm. Literally I was hacking up a lung. My stupid pre-med roommate suggested that I go get myself checked out with the doctor. What… an… asshole! So I go to the hospital and I’m waiting for what seemed like hours to find out what the hell is wrong with me. In the middle of the waiting room I start in on another coughing fit and another glob of yuck comes out.
That got their attention. I’m admitted and they start looking at me all funny like. I hate doctors you know, I haven’t been to a doctor since I was sixteen and my mom literally forced me to go.
Me and doctors don’t get along, simple as that. I hate needles and they’re always wanting to stick me something fierce. So a whole team of doctors show up and start ordering all sorts of tests. Everything from blood cultures, to EKG, cat scans, MRI, x-rays, and stuff I’ve never heard of. They stick me in the machine that feels like a coffin and tell me to be still like a corpse.
A couple of hours later and I’m still there. Nurses are with me the whole time writing down my vitals and doctors are demanding an update on my condition. I’m really starting to freak out because nobody is explaining to me what is going on. Docs are coming in asking me about my history, how I live my life and what my family is like. I tell them that as far as I know none of my family has ever had cancer or heart disease or anything more serious than the chicken pox. I tell them that I smoke every once in a while, no more than two or three cigs a day and sometimes I go weeks without a smoke. I drink socially you know with my friends but never to the point like some people who black out and forget who they are. And it’s not even that often that I go out drinking.
At first I try avoiding the topic of drugs but I could tell they weren’t buying it. So I finally admit that I occasionally smoke pot and have been known to take tranqs just for fun. They finally leave me alone, I’m guessing that they got all they needed for me and again I’m all by myself left to wonder what’s going on. One doctor comes in and I ask him to level with me. He was a young guy not much older than I am with brown spiky hair and a goofy nerdy look on his face. It was actually kind of calming because he seemed so relatable. He sat down on my bed and tells me that they aren’t a hundred percent sure but it looks like I have a degenerative lung disease. He tries his best to calm me down but he can see the worry on my face. He explains that they are still running tests and they’ll let me know as soon as they figure out what’s wrong with me. I asked him to leave me alone while I process what’s going on. What was happening to me? I can’t believe it! I’m not supposed to be sick. Sick people are old people who have lived long lives and move to Florida to die like the elephants. I’m just an asshole like any other asshole that came before me.
I can’t even think. I just sit there in my room wondering what I’d do if the worst news came back. Days go by but for me it feels like an eternity. Finally the doctors come in. Nerdy doc comes in on the tails of some older doctor who looks like he thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity. They close the door behind them and proceed to tell me the good news and the worse news. The good news is that my condition isn’t as bad as they originally thought. The worse news is that I do have lung disease, the name of which I can’t even begin to pronounce. There are so few people who have ever gotten it that there isn’t a very effective treatment. The only positive I can gather from this is that I’m in an early stage.
I stayed in the hospital for a few more days while people checked in on me like clockwork. They come, check my vitals, ask me how I’m doing, look at me funny, and leave. I was actually starting to get pissed until Nerdy doc came in with the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. She was the same age as him with gorgeous blonde hair cut in a punky sort of style with bangs that kept falling into her beautiful blue eyes. The way she blew them away was absolutely adorable.
They came in and for the first time didn’t say anything about my condition. They talked to me like any other person, what my hobbies were, who was my favorite athlete, and stuff like that. I found out that they were dating and starting to get serious. I told them that I’ve never been able to get serous with anyone because I’ve always felt detached from people.
Blonde doctor told me that she used to be like that but she had to learn that sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and hope that the person you give your heart to will cherish it. That conversation was the first in a while that made me want to be a real person.
Finally after another couple of days I was told that I was well enough to go home. They wanted me to come back every couple of weeks or so to get a checkup and gauge my progress. And they wanted me to let them know immediately if my condition worsened. I asked how serious this was and they told me that based on my current condition that I had anywhere from a year to a year and a half before I was too sick to leave the bed.
It was at that moment that I decided that I wasn’t going to waste another moment. So, I got my pills and some needles from the good doctors and went on my merry way. It’s funny I never thought that I would ever die. I mean if you think about it I never really lived. For the first time in my life I was scared but determined to change the kind of person I was.
First things first, what do I do before I go? I’ve got to make a list you know, a to do list before I die. No one can know I’m dying except those who already know. I don’t know if I could take all that constant pity and them looking down on me. I go home and my nosy roommate asks how I am. I tell him that everything was fine it was just a mild case of bronchitis. They wanted to keep me in for observation just to make sure it wasn’t serious but I’m fine now. I didn’t care if he believed me or not I just wanted the questions to stop. I went straight to my room to document what happened and began to work on my list.
So here I am, you’re caught up on my recent development and this mess my life has become. What do I do now? What things do I need to do before I die?
I definitely want to learn another language. Not that Spanish cop out shit, that’s just too easy. A real language like Russian, or German, or maybe even Finnish. I’ve always had a thing for foreign chicks… they’re so hot. I met a chick from Finland once when I was on a trip to San Francisco with some buddies of mine. Maybe if I spoke Finnish she might have been into me. Who knows?
I’ve also always wanted to climb a mountain. There was a video on YouTube that I saw of a guy climbing a mountain with no protection. That guy was the shit and he didn’t fear dying or anything like that. That could be me, I mean I’m already dying so there’s no sense in worrying about it. There are some guys at my gym who are into climbing maybe they can show me the ropes. Yeah! That’s perfect.
Let’s see what else is there? I always wanted to be in a band. That works. I’ll learn to play an instrument and join a band. Rock star status here I come.
Now you can’t die without seeing the world so I have to do some travelling. I’ve got some money saved up and a passport that expires in two years so that’s taken care of.
There is only one other thing I want to do. I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, which actually doesn’t seem so bad since I won’t be around too much longer. I know… shitty joke but I figure I need to make light of the situation or I’ll go crazy. Everyone who really knows me can attest that I’m horrible in relationships. I’m pretty selfish and don’t like to reciprocate emotional attachment. So I guess the last thing on my list may be the hardest. Well, I’ve got a year to change what’s taken me my whole life to build. Being a selfish asshole was easy to become, being a normal guy who can share his inner self is going to be hard.
Wish me luck, I know I’m going to need it. ;)
I woke up one night coughing up a storm. Literally I was hacking up a lung. My stupid pre-med roommate suggested that I go get myself checked out with the doctor. What… an… asshole! So I go to the hospital and I’m waiting for what seemed like hours to find out what the hell is wrong with me. In the middle of the waiting room I start in on another coughing fit and another glob of yuck comes out.
That got their attention. I’m admitted and they start looking at me all funny like. I hate doctors you know, I haven’t been to a doctor since I was sixteen and my mom literally forced me to go.
Me and doctors don’t get along, simple as that. I hate needles and they’re always wanting to stick me something fierce. So a whole team of doctors show up and start ordering all sorts of tests. Everything from blood cultures, to EKG, cat scans, MRI, x-rays, and stuff I’ve never heard of. They stick me in the machine that feels like a coffin and tell me to be still like a corpse.
A couple of hours later and I’m still there. Nurses are with me the whole time writing down my vitals and doctors are demanding an update on my condition. I’m really starting to freak out because nobody is explaining to me what is going on. Docs are coming in asking me about my history, how I live my life and what my family is like. I tell them that as far as I know none of my family has ever had cancer or heart disease or anything more serious than the chicken pox. I tell them that I smoke every once in a while, no more than two or three cigs a day and sometimes I go weeks without a smoke. I drink socially you know with my friends but never to the point like some people who black out and forget who they are. And it’s not even that often that I go out drinking.
At first I try avoiding the topic of drugs but I could tell they weren’t buying it. So I finally admit that I occasionally smoke pot and have been known to take tranqs just for fun. They finally leave me alone, I’m guessing that they got all they needed for me and again I’m all by myself left to wonder what’s going on. One doctor comes in and I ask him to level with me. He was a young guy not much older than I am with brown spiky hair and a goofy nerdy look on his face. It was actually kind of calming because he seemed so relatable. He sat down on my bed and tells me that they aren’t a hundred percent sure but it looks like I have a degenerative lung disease. He tries his best to calm me down but he can see the worry on my face. He explains that they are still running tests and they’ll let me know as soon as they figure out what’s wrong with me. I asked him to leave me alone while I process what’s going on. What was happening to me? I can’t believe it! I’m not supposed to be sick. Sick people are old people who have lived long lives and move to Florida to die like the elephants. I’m just an asshole like any other asshole that came before me.
I can’t even think. I just sit there in my room wondering what I’d do if the worst news came back. Days go by but for me it feels like an eternity. Finally the doctors come in. Nerdy doc comes in on the tails of some older doctor who looks like he thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity. They close the door behind them and proceed to tell me the good news and the worse news. The good news is that my condition isn’t as bad as they originally thought. The worse news is that I do have lung disease, the name of which I can’t even begin to pronounce. There are so few people who have ever gotten it that there isn’t a very effective treatment. The only positive I can gather from this is that I’m in an early stage.
I stayed in the hospital for a few more days while people checked in on me like clockwork. They come, check my vitals, ask me how I’m doing, look at me funny, and leave. I was actually starting to get pissed until Nerdy doc came in with the most beautiful woman I had ever laid my eyes on. She was the same age as him with gorgeous blonde hair cut in a punky sort of style with bangs that kept falling into her beautiful blue eyes. The way she blew them away was absolutely adorable.
They came in and for the first time didn’t say anything about my condition. They talked to me like any other person, what my hobbies were, who was my favorite athlete, and stuff like that. I found out that they were dating and starting to get serious. I told them that I’ve never been able to get serous with anyone because I’ve always felt detached from people.
Blonde doctor told me that she used to be like that but she had to learn that sometimes you just have to put yourself out there and hope that the person you give your heart to will cherish it. That conversation was the first in a while that made me want to be a real person.
Finally after another couple of days I was told that I was well enough to go home. They wanted me to come back every couple of weeks or so to get a checkup and gauge my progress. And they wanted me to let them know immediately if my condition worsened. I asked how serious this was and they told me that based on my current condition that I had anywhere from a year to a year and a half before I was too sick to leave the bed.
It was at that moment that I decided that I wasn’t going to waste another moment. So, I got my pills and some needles from the good doctors and went on my merry way. It’s funny I never thought that I would ever die. I mean if you think about it I never really lived. For the first time in my life I was scared but determined to change the kind of person I was.
First things first, what do I do before I go? I’ve got to make a list you know, a to do list before I die. No one can know I’m dying except those who already know. I don’t know if I could take all that constant pity and them looking down on me. I go home and my nosy roommate asks how I am. I tell him that everything was fine it was just a mild case of bronchitis. They wanted to keep me in for observation just to make sure it wasn’t serious but I’m fine now. I didn’t care if he believed me or not I just wanted the questions to stop. I went straight to my room to document what happened and began to work on my list.
So here I am, you’re caught up on my recent development and this mess my life has become. What do I do now? What things do I need to do before I die?
I definitely want to learn another language. Not that Spanish cop out shit, that’s just too easy. A real language like Russian, or German, or maybe even Finnish. I’ve always had a thing for foreign chicks… they’re so hot. I met a chick from Finland once when I was on a trip to San Francisco with some buddies of mine. Maybe if I spoke Finnish she might have been into me. Who knows?
I’ve also always wanted to climb a mountain. There was a video on YouTube that I saw of a guy climbing a mountain with no protection. That guy was the shit and he didn’t fear dying or anything like that. That could be me, I mean I’m already dying so there’s no sense in worrying about it. There are some guys at my gym who are into climbing maybe they can show me the ropes. Yeah! That’s perfect.
Let’s see what else is there? I always wanted to be in a band. That works. I’ll learn to play an instrument and join a band. Rock star status here I come.
Now you can’t die without seeing the world so I have to do some travelling. I’ve got some money saved up and a passport that expires in two years so that’s taken care of.
There is only one other thing I want to do. I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, which actually doesn’t seem so bad since I won’t be around too much longer. I know… shitty joke but I figure I need to make light of the situation or I’ll go crazy. Everyone who really knows me can attest that I’m horrible in relationships. I’m pretty selfish and don’t like to reciprocate emotional attachment. So I guess the last thing on my list may be the hardest. Well, I’ve got a year to change what’s taken me my whole life to build. Being a selfish asshole was easy to become, being a normal guy who can share his inner self is going to be hard.
Wish me luck, I know I’m going to need it. ;)
Sunday, July 6, 2008
The Party
Part 1:
College Freshman Dies in Accident
Story by: Alexis Rose –Fairfield Gazette
Tragedy last night as two local college students crashed on their way home from a year’s end party on south route 104 leaving one dead. Edward Regal a junior at Credence Hall and his freshman girlfriend Katherine (Kat) Emerson left the party around midnight according to one of the other party attendees Jason Ackerman. Regal suddenly lost control of his vehicle on the snow covered highway and caused the car to begin a roll. Emerson, who was not wearing a seatbelt, was thrown from the vehicle. Emergency crews found Emerson dead several hundred yards away from the car’s final resting place. Ackerman called authorities when he discovered the accident shortly after one in the morning. “I was driving and saw Ed’s car smashed into the snow bank upside down. It was horrible!” said Ackerman “I couldn’t find Kat but Ed was stuck in the car.” Regal was taken to St. Mary’s earlier for treatment of minor injuries. Investigators at the scene issued a sobriety test on Regal and found his blood alcohol level to be a .12, almost twice the legal limit. It is expected that Regal will be taken into police custody after his release from the hospital. Emerson’s family was unwilling to comment on the events leading to Katherine’s death. A friend of the family who was also an officer on the scene stated her parents are in deep shock over the death of their daughter, someone whose life was full of promise and love.
Trial Begins for Local College Football Star
Story by: Alexis Rose –Fairfield Gazette
Arraignment hearings for Edward Regal began today. Regal is being brought up on charges of driving under the influence and the involuntary manslaughter of his girlfriend Katherine Emerson. Regal is known throughout the community as the star running back for Credence Hall. Katherine (Kat) Emerson had just finished her first semester at Credence Hall when she was thrown from Regal’s car in the early morning hours of December, 16th. The couple had been in attendance of an end of the year party at college senior Dustin Bremer’s house off south route 104. Regal, 21 should be preparing to start classes in a few days but now is preparing his defense for the death of his girlfriend. The criminal trial is set to begin in a couple of weeks. Regal issued a statement through his lawyers expressing his guilt over what happened on that fateful night “I could not begin to explain how sorry I am for what happened to Kat. She was everything to me she was the brightest light in my life. I would without hesitation switch places with Katherine given the chance.” Regal was denied his request earlier by the Judge Roberts to attend funeral services for Katherine Emerson.
College Freshman Dies in Accident
Story by: Alexis Rose –Fairfield Gazette
Tragedy last night as two local college students crashed on their way home from a year’s end party on south route 104 leaving one dead. Edward Regal a junior at Credence Hall and his freshman girlfriend Katherine (Kat) Emerson left the party around midnight according to one of the other party attendees Jason Ackerman. Regal suddenly lost control of his vehicle on the snow covered highway and caused the car to begin a roll. Emerson, who was not wearing a seatbelt, was thrown from the vehicle. Emergency crews found Emerson dead several hundred yards away from the car’s final resting place. Ackerman called authorities when he discovered the accident shortly after one in the morning. “I was driving and saw Ed’s car smashed into the snow bank upside down. It was horrible!” said Ackerman “I couldn’t find Kat but Ed was stuck in the car.” Regal was taken to St. Mary’s earlier for treatment of minor injuries. Investigators at the scene issued a sobriety test on Regal and found his blood alcohol level to be a .12, almost twice the legal limit. It is expected that Regal will be taken into police custody after his release from the hospital. Emerson’s family was unwilling to comment on the events leading to Katherine’s death. A friend of the family who was also an officer on the scene stated her parents are in deep shock over the death of their daughter, someone whose life was full of promise and love.
Trial Begins for Local College Football Star
Story by: Alexis Rose –Fairfield Gazette
Arraignment hearings for Edward Regal began today. Regal is being brought up on charges of driving under the influence and the involuntary manslaughter of his girlfriend Katherine Emerson. Regal is known throughout the community as the star running back for Credence Hall. Katherine (Kat) Emerson had just finished her first semester at Credence Hall when she was thrown from Regal’s car in the early morning hours of December, 16th. The couple had been in attendance of an end of the year party at college senior Dustin Bremer’s house off south route 104. Regal, 21 should be preparing to start classes in a few days but now is preparing his defense for the death of his girlfriend. The criminal trial is set to begin in a couple of weeks. Regal issued a statement through his lawyers expressing his guilt over what happened on that fateful night “I could not begin to explain how sorry I am for what happened to Kat. She was everything to me she was the brightest light in my life. I would without hesitation switch places with Katherine given the chance.” Regal was denied his request earlier by the Judge Roberts to attend funeral services for Katherine Emerson.
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