Long time no see or... None like it dull

I haven't written anything in a while because I have been performing other feats of amazement.

Isn't it awesome?

The most amazing of which I suppose would be my purchase of the third generation Kindle from Amazon. I've been spending any extra time I have the past week using this little wonder and have absolutely no complaints thus far.

I'm nearly finished reading Stardust which I originally got for the Kindle app on my MyTouch but reading a book one paragraph at a time quickly became cumbersome. So as soon as I heard there was going to be a better, smaller, cheaper Kindle I pre-ordered that mofo like nobody's business.

If you're interested in an awesome digital reader I highly recommend getting it. Best of all it's only $189 for the 3G model.

Okay, contractual obligation to Amazon complete let's move on now.

The other piece of awesomeness I've been involved in is my latest attempt at writing a piece of literature. It is tentatively titled Dream Walker and is about a young man named Daniel who has the ability to wander through dreams. He meets a girl along his travels and inadvertently becomes entangled in the war between nightmares and the dream lords.

My goal is to have the first draft completed by Christmas so wish me luck.

That being said, I haven't been writing any short stories or articles lately. I'm trying to put all of my creative focus on this project in the mean time.

In Shirtless news... Our hero has learned that he does not need keys to open doors. All it takes is brute force and the fury of a thousand shirtless gods

Zeus doesn't wear no stinking shirts

Shirtless SMASH!

I've been thinking of moving over the Shirtless stories to this blog once I learned that Blogger lets you catalog your blog quite easily. Look forward to that coming soon and when I do start writing again Shirtless will return as well. 

Finally the last big update in my life is my dive into the world of SCUBA (Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus). I've been taking lessons at Bob's Dive Shop and it looks like I will be able to take my certification dive the first weekend of November. 

If you've ever thought about getting into scuba I recommend going through them. Ed has been diving since the 70's and is just an awesome dude to be around and learn from.

For all of my friends who are divers I would like to get together with you so I'm not diving on my own. I'd like to have at least one buddy to go diving with. 

Into the great beyond

That's about it on my end. As you can see I've been quite busy lately. I promise I will keep you updated on my progress on Dream Walker. Until later my friends.

Comics: A Nerd's Lifeforce

Growing up a middle-class chubby white kid from Fresno there were two things I was into; video games and comics. I wasn't all that good at video games though, my brother would always beat the living crap out of me at Mario Cart and schooled me on Super Mario Bros. 3.

Oh yes!

But comics were something I loved more than video games. Growing up I was into all the classic fan boy titles like Spider-Man, X-Men, Superman, Batman and many many others. For me it wasn't just the awesome powers and the fighting. I was enjoyed the hidden moral behind the story, the underlying message of good versus evil and why it wasn't always easy to do the right thing. I think that's why I enjoyed Spider-Man best of all. Peter Parker understood that he had a responsibility to use his powers for good even at the expense of his own happiness. Sometimes it would prove more than he could handle but he always came back to the good ol' red and blues.

As I grew older I began to look at more mature stories that mirrored in many ways classical literature. I was introduced to a fantastic author by the name of Neil Gaiman and his popular title The Sandman. The story of Morpheus, lord of dreams and one of the Endless. Stories that were both entertaining for the context of their story as well at their amazing visuals. Hellblazer's John Constantine who to this day is the only comic book character who actually ages in the series.

Prelude to Awesomeness

Comics are more than a bunch of pictures with corny dialog. They are a doorway to a fantasy world that goes beyond where the written word can take you and where images dare to go. They spark the imagination like no other form of medium, inspiring people to be creative and think outside the box. That is to say, unless you're a certain intern I knew who's idea of an "original" bad guy is the joker in a different costume.

So as this year's Comic-Con goes on try to remember; It's not about all of the comic book movies that are coming out, but the inspiration behind those comic book movies. And if you happen to be one of the lucky one's going, get me a Stan Lee autograph please.

Monday Writing Prompt: Milk jugs, tires and a box of jewelry--how'd it all get there?

So entering a weekly writing challenge today I neglected to read the actual writing prompt and instead wrote a story based on the prompt you see above. I thought it was funny and instead of throwing it out I decided to post it here. Hope you guys enjoy...

My girlfriend and I have been having relationship issues lately and today was just one of those days. I was doing the dishes when she walked into the kitchen to pour herself a glass of milk. When she went to grab a glass she pulled out one of the glasses that I’d just put away and it was still damp. We have had the conversation before about how much she hates when I put wet glasses in the cupboard but I don’t like leaving them out on the counter to dry. The wet glass pushed her over the edge and she flipped out.

She threw the jug of milk that was in her hand at me and I nearly dodged getting decapitated by a gallon of 2%. I started yelling at her but she was in a fit of rage. We argued for several minutes in the kitchen when she stormed off into the bedroom while I followed. Still angry that she over reacted about the glass I got in her face about how she almost killed me. She took a step back and she was red with fury. Angrily, she grabbed one of her jewelry boxes from on top of her dresser and threw it at me; hitting me in the chest.

I was absolutely livid at this point and yelled as I pulled one of her earrings out that had stuck in my chest. I knew I needed to get away before I did something I’d regret so I called her a bitch and stormed off, grabbing my keys as I left the house.

She followed me and refused to let me leave as I tried to get in my car. As I went to put the key in the ignition, she swung open my door almost breaking it off its hinges; tearing off my seatbelt and pulling me out of the car in one swift motion. With the power of the Hulk inside her she knocked my car over and ripped off the wheels. I ducked as she threw them at me and they crashed into the house.

Scared for my life I quickly apologized for calling her a bitch and told her I loved her. She calmed down eventually without causing too much bodily injury. We went back into the house to examine the damage she’d caused.

I had learned a very important lesson that day. Never, EVER call your girlfriend a bitch if you’ve put damp glasses in the cupboard. She will go psycho on you and start flinging car parts at you.

A Bachelor Party in Mexico and Someone Gets Crabs

Sean and I had been friends many years and one day while we were hanging out he drops a bomb on me. “I’m getting married” he says, “The bachelor party is in Mexico and it’s in two months. Be there!” After we downed a few beers and a couple of shots in celebration it was time to start getting ready. After all, I’d never been out of the country before.

The plan was to spend a week on the beach drinking cervezas and partying with ten of our closest friends. Vinnie, Mike, Travis, Dan, Conner, Billy, Tommy, Jason, Hugh and Steve all heard the news within the next couple of days and the excitement grew like a mushroom cloud. With little time to spare, I got to work on securing my passport and buying plane tickets to Sayulita Mexico. As the day drew nearer, the floodgates were opened on the email chatter. Travis and some of the other guys were Googling pictures of hot babes in bikinis and legends of Tequila to the help them stay motivated. It got a little out of hand when we started talking about our diving cards for the great muff reef and finding a donkey show. Sean and Vinnie were keeping themselves busy booking the house we had planned to rent for the week. It was to be a nice three story, seven bedroom casa that was seconds from the beach with a pool. Every bedroom had an ocean view and the kitchen had a fresco painting of the beach. When the day finally came to start our excellent adventure it was like Pandora’s Box had been reopened.

We flew into Puerto Vallarta and from there grabbed a taxi over to the beautiful coastal town of Sayulita. Our first order of business was to get to the house and claim our rooms. After deciding our rooms, all the guys had switched to full Mexican regalia (half opened beach shirts, worn board shorts and sandals). We needed to stock up on supplies. Jason, Vinnie and I hit the store for cerveza, Tequila and more cerveza. The first night was outstanding. We partied with the locals, checked out the tourist, ate some delicious Mexican food, and enjoyed each other’s company. After the bars closed we stumbled back to the house to continue the party. I pulled out my copy of “The Bro Code” and began to read some of the sacred articles that all Bros must abide by. Little did I know, by the end of the trip everyone would be quoting that hallowed book.

The second and third nights were just as crazy as the first. We rented some surf boards and I flirted with the cute Finnish chick working at the board shop before hitting the waves. A small group of us ventured around the mountains to an isolated beach not far from town where the waves are always perfect for body surfing. Tommy took a nasty spill against some rocks after a gnarly wave dragged him down. The look of terror on his face put us all in shock as this normally tan Sicilian went ghost white. When we finally got him to acknowledge us the first thing he said was “Am I going to get AIDS?” Vinnie the E.R. doctor gave him a puzzled look then replied “Yes. You’re going to get that rare form of South of the border underwater AIDS.” We all laughed and after Sean called a quick safety meeting everything was fine. Tommy cleaned himself off and said the part that hurt the worst was the salt water getting into his bleeding chest scrapes. We decided to head back soon after that and stopped off at a beach side resort bar for margaritas and to drink in the view of the ocean and the nearby town.

It was on the fourth day that we decided to go deep sea fishing. Since our arrival, the local merchants had been telling us about the great spots they had and we finally decided to give it a go. We were up before the sun that morning and on the beach as it was rising. Conner disappeared for a half an hour and we were about to leave without him. It was a good thing we waited because, he soon came walking down the beach towards us with two cases of beer and some breakfast of champions… jerky. We hopped in the boats and took off to the open sea.

The captain of our boat –Juan – was just a few years younger than me, but told us he’d been fishing his whole life. He knew all the best spots and if he ever forgot, he jokingly showed us where he kept his GPS locator. The first four hours were spent just drinking beer and cruising around-we weren’t getting so much as a nibble from the fish. Captain Juan was cursing at the fish for not jumping in our boat and we raced from fishing spot to fishing spot. We then noticed a dark rain clouds rolling in off in the distance and Captain Juan started getting excited. “Oh, oh, oh yeah! I see the birds. You see them? That means there’s lots of fishies in the water. Come on we go catch them now ya?!” Excited and invigorated we hurriedly reeled in our fishing poles and headed into the dark mass of the storm. As the tiny fishing boat got up on its plane, the choppy water and rain splashed in our faces. The smell of sea water filled our noses and a quiet feeling of exuberance washed over our group. Travis and I took pictures of the water and the group while everyone else maintained their eyes on that first group of birds.

It took us what seemed like an eternity to reach our first fishing spot and Conner was the first to drop his line into the water. No sooner had he dropped the line than he got his first bite. The battle was intense as Conner fought the fish, the rain, and the rocking of the boat from the waves. Captain Juan didn’t help the rocking as he jumped around the boat, keeping an eye on the line and maneuvered so it wouldn’t get caught in the outboard motor. Finally and not a moment too soon, a monster rose from the sea. A giant Yellow Fin was plucked from the ocean and after a quick photo-op was placed in the holding compartment. This continued for some time as we moved from spot to spot dropping a line and fighting to catch our prizes. Exhausted, we began the journey back to shore to compare catches with the other group. It ended up being no contest as they had gone further down shore than we did and weren’t able to fish the storm.

Captain Juan and his family filleted our catch and made ceviche for us right on the beach. We left them with some of our catch as there was no way we could ever eat it all then thanked them and left. Vinnie and Sean went to the market to get supplies for the enormous feast we were about to have. The rest of us cleaned ourselves off, changed clothes and began preparing the meal. We didn’t go to the bars that night, but instead we stayed up eating our fish, drinking cervezas, and watched the lightning storm light up the night sky. All of a sudden, someone from downstairs yelled up “Guys, we have crabs!” A poor choice of words at a bachelor party in Mexico but it got our attention. The storm had forced the crabs to leave the beach for higher ground where they settled in our pool and the lower level rooms.

By the next night we had gotten back into the groove of things. Jason had worked out a deal with the Bar Tender at El Tigre to let him DJ our last night in town and decided to take shots to seal the deal. By the time the bar closed he was passed out on a stool in the corner. We told him that it was time to leave but he said the bar tender was cool with it because he was DJing the next day. Some of us wanted to leave him there but Sean Firefighter style carried him down the treacherous staircase to the group waiting outside. As I waited with Vinnie outside, he made the suggestion that Jason’s party foul warranted a swim in the ocean. I being the instigator instantly got excited about how to make that happen. When Sean finally reached the ground floor and Jason was able to walk under his own power Sean told Vinnie and me that he needed to take a swim in the ocean. Vinnie and I laughed at the fact that we came to the same opinion.

Sean and Vinnie told me to get Jason’s wallet and iPhone from him so none of his belongings would be ruined. It didn’t take much convincing to get his phone away from him in his drunken condition. As we approached the waters edge, Jason began to notice they were walking him closer to the water. He tried to walk away, but Sean and Vinnie told him he had to go swimming. Jason started fighting back as all three of them wrestled in the water with Sean laughing the whole time. I was taking pictures on my camera and Jason’s iPhone, while the rest of the guys stood laughing on shore. After all was said and done a very angry Jason was lead back to the house to dry off and sleep until his big day.

The day came for Jason to make his Mexican debut. He spent all day working on the set list for the club full of Gringos he would be playing for. The rest of the guys and I hung out on the beach relaxing and conversing with the tourist while we fought off the local merchants. It was our job to spread the word about our friend’s show and we did our jobs well. As the sun fell and the moon rose, Jason took the stage and packed the small bar. A cute blonde asked me why I was taking pictures of the crowed bar and seemed genuinely impressed that I was friends with the DJ. I found out her name was Kristen and invited her and her friends to hang out with us. We learned that they brought two doctors with them and I joked that we only had one. Kristen’s guy friends ended up giving me the evil eye the whole night for having the nerve to speak with their friend. After Jason finished his set and the bar closed Vinnie and I invited them back to our place for one last party before heading back to the United States. Jason put on some lounge style music, while everyone sat together looking out over the ocean getting to know each other. We finally said our goodbyes to Kristen and her friends just before sunrise.

The whole trip was over too quickly and it was time to head home. We caught a taxi back to Puerto Vallarta where we flew into Los Angeles. While we weren’t all going back to the same place, we knew we would always share the memories of our adventures together. The nights of drinking and partying, the days of activities in the water, and that one night when we all found out that we had crabs.

Word of the Week- Awesome

Word: Awesome

Function: adjective

Definition: 

1:  expressive of awe

"Holy shit dude, did you see that? Shit was fucking awesome.”

2: a) inspiring of awe b) terrific, extraordinary

"I gotta hand it to Jen-gi, she’s pretty awesome."

Etymology: circa ~1600, "profoundly reverential," from awe + -some. Meaning "inspiring awe" is from 1670s; weakened colloquial sense of "impressive, very good" is recorded by 1961 and was in vogue from after c.1980.

If there’s one word I can be accused of overusing it has got to be awesome. I mean c’mon, what word in modern day English is as descriptive as AWESOME? Okay so the “F” word is more heavily used but still, awesome is pretty awesome. When you’re listening to the latest Muse album you can’t help but describe it as awesome.

Awesome is the feeling you get when something amazing happens. The hairs on the back of your neck stick up and you can’t help but let your mouth hang open. It’s being so dumbfounded that you race through your mind trying to describe your experience but draw a blank. That is what awesome is.

But sometimes it’s easy to overuse awesome. I cannot state this emphatically enough, Twilight is not awesome. $2 Bud Light drafts aren’t awesome. These are things are just mediocre. As Ellie Bartowski once told Devon “Captain Awesome” Woodcomb in Chuck Versus the Truth, “If everything is awesome, and nothing is unawesome then awesome by definition is just mediocre!”

A note from the past

So I was deleting all the content from my MySpace page since I can't actually delete the profile (since I don't have the original email address anymore) and found something I just can't get rid of. It is the blog post from when I finished my first beer card at BC's. I was so young and innocent back in 2007 I'm surprised at how much I've grown. For nostalgia's sake I'm going to post the blog here in all it's glory for all time.

50 beers and it only cost me my self respect (it was worth it)
Current mood:  relieved

So last night I finished my trip around the world. I can now proudly say that I have drank 50 beers from around the world. First I would like to thank all those who ever went out with me during this trip. You were all a blast to be around (especially during the nasty ones). Thank you to my older brother for getting me started on my journey... you owe me $300 for the beers. To the bar tenders and especially the owner of BC's pizza and beer, thanks for the times and sorry for the bad ones. Yes I will still be going out to BC's on Friday's because I still have friends still taking the trip, so if you want to show up and do something that is a whole lot of fun please do. In case anyone is wondering what my phrase will be on my plaque it is "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. A night of drinking and fun will always be followed by a night of puking and a morning of regret. -Yomin C. Kitkat 11/09/2007" I know it's a little long but it is sooooooooooooooooooooo true. I've already posted a few pictures from previous visits but I will post some from the final trip just as soon as I find out what I did with my camera (I may have left it at the bar last night. Really drunk.) Well that's all I have to say for myself for now, it's been fun and I hope to see you all real soon.

Sincerely
Sir Dr. Yomin C. Kitkat Esq. IVX Lord of the damned and confused.

Word of the Week- Construe

Word: Construe

Function: verb

Definition: 

1:  to analyze the arrangement and connection of words in (a sentence or sentence part)

"Stephen Colbert construes his satire in such a poignant manner to where you aren’t sure if he’s really joking or telling the truth."

2: to understand or explain the sense or intention of usually in a particular way or with respect to a given set of circumstances

"Don’t misconstrue my intentions; I’m actually here to help you."

Etymology: circa ~mid 14^th century from L.L. construere meaning “to relate grammatically” also classic Latin “to pile together”

Word of the Week- If

I've got to thank Demetri Martin for this one. His special "If I" is just outstanding. If you haven't had the pleasure please watch it.

Here is a link to part one of the special. You can get to the others yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKnzPHtf9u4

Word of the week: If

Function: conjunction


Definition: 1: a: in the event that b: allowing that c: on the assumption that d: on condition that

"If you know how to play the guitar, chicks will dig you."

                  2: whether

"After getting his ass kicked for the hundredth time, the supervillain wondered if he should give up his life of crime."

                  3: used as a function to introduce an explanation expressing a wish

"If I could just figure out my life." -Demetri Martin

                  4: even though: although perhaps

"Doing a word of the week post is an interesting if retarded concept."

                  5: and perhaps not even

"If not for you I'd be a goner for sure Sarge."

Etymology: circa pre 12th century from the Old English gif possibly meaning doubt

If is one of those small words with multiple meanings depending on context. We use the word everyday for ultimatums (If you kids keep it up I'll turn this car around!) and expressions of desire (If only I had the courage to ask Betty Sue to the dance.). The versatility of the word is far reaching and I can't do it justice in this post. I leave now with a poem by Rudyard Kipling, the man who wrote The Jungle Book and one of my favorite stories Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, entitled "If."

If

If you can keep your head when all about you 

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; 

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, 

But make allowance for their doubting too; 

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, 

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, 

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; 

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; 

If you can meet with triumph and disaster 

And treat those two imposters just the same; 

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken 

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, 

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 

And lose, and start again at your beginnings 

And never breath a word about your loss; 

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 

To serve your turn long after they are gone, 

And so hold on when there is nothing in you 

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; 

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; 

If all men count with you, but none too much; 

If you can fill the unforgiving minute 

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - 

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, 

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Word of the Week- Incredulous

Today marks the first of many posts dedicated to the awesomeness of diverse speech. 


Each Monday I will post a new word or phrase that maybe you've never heard of or just haven't heard it often. I'll dig up the etymology (history) of the word or phrase and share it along with some usage tips. You just may be surprised at where some of our everyday speech comes from. 

*Note: All of my definitions are taken from Merriam-Webster's unless otherwise stated.

Word: Incredulous

Function: adjective

Definition: Unwilling to admit or accept what is offered as true; skeptical

Example: The Police Officer was incredulous of John's excuse that his wife fell down the stairs.

Etymology: circa ~1570 from the Latin incredulus- unbelieving.

Incredulous is not to be confused with incredible, something that cannot be believed or not worthy of belief. Skepticism is an attitude of doubt either in general or toward a particular object. It is the suspension of judgement, systematic doubt, or criticism of characteristics. A person is incredulous, an object is incredible.

I'm incredulous of anyone who claims an iPad is anything more than a giant iPod Touch.

 Can you tell the difference?

It's incredible to think that Shirtless has lasted this long thinking that a computer is a box with a magic genie inside (Damn you Windows Home Server commercial!).

So the next time you're incredulous of somebody's incredible story you'll know who to thank for clearing things up for you. Until next time :-) <-- (it's a smiley face)