Word of the Week- If

I've got to thank Demetri Martin for this one. His special "If I" is just outstanding. If you haven't had the pleasure please watch it.

Here is a link to part one of the special. You can get to the others yourself.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mKnzPHtf9u4

Word of the week: If

Function: conjunction


Definition: 1: a: in the event that b: allowing that c: on the assumption that d: on condition that

"If you know how to play the guitar, chicks will dig you."

                  2: whether

"After getting his ass kicked for the hundredth time, the supervillain wondered if he should give up his life of crime."

                  3: used as a function to introduce an explanation expressing a wish

"If I could just figure out my life." -Demetri Martin

                  4: even though: although perhaps

"Doing a word of the week post is an interesting if retarded concept."

                  5: and perhaps not even

"If not for you I'd be a goner for sure Sarge."

Etymology: circa pre 12th century from the Old English gif possibly meaning doubt

If is one of those small words with multiple meanings depending on context. We use the word everyday for ultimatums (If you kids keep it up I'll turn this car around!) and expressions of desire (If only I had the courage to ask Betty Sue to the dance.). The versatility of the word is far reaching and I can't do it justice in this post. I leave now with a poem by Rudyard Kipling, the man who wrote The Jungle Book and one of my favorite stories Rikki-Tikki-Tavi, entitled "If."

If

If you can keep your head when all about you 

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you; 

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, 

But make allowance for their doubting too; 

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, 

Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies, 

Or, being hated, don't give way to hating, 

And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master; 

If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; 

If you can meet with triumph and disaster 

And treat those two imposters just the same; 

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken 

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, 

Or watch the things you gave your life to broken, 

And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings 

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, 

And lose, and start again at your beginnings 

And never breath a word about your loss; 

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew 

To serve your turn long after they are gone, 

And so hold on when there is nothing in you 

Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, 

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch; 

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you; 

If all men count with you, but none too much; 

If you can fill the unforgiving minute 

With sixty seconds' worth of distance run - 

Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it, 

And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!