A Bachelor Party in Mexico and Someone Gets Crabs

Sean and I had been friends many years and one day while we were hanging out he drops a bomb on me. “I’m getting married” he says, “The bachelor party is in Mexico and it’s in two months. Be there!” After we downed a few beers and a couple of shots in celebration it was time to start getting ready. After all, I’d never been out of the country before.

The plan was to spend a week on the beach drinking cervezas and partying with ten of our closest friends. Vinnie, Mike, Travis, Dan, Conner, Billy, Tommy, Jason, Hugh and Steve all heard the news within the next couple of days and the excitement grew like a mushroom cloud. With little time to spare, I got to work on securing my passport and buying plane tickets to Sayulita Mexico. As the day drew nearer, the floodgates were opened on the email chatter. Travis and some of the other guys were Googling pictures of hot babes in bikinis and legends of Tequila to the help them stay motivated. It got a little out of hand when we started talking about our diving cards for the great muff reef and finding a donkey show. Sean and Vinnie were keeping themselves busy booking the house we had planned to rent for the week. It was to be a nice three story, seven bedroom casa that was seconds from the beach with a pool. Every bedroom had an ocean view and the kitchen had a fresco painting of the beach. When the day finally came to start our excellent adventure it was like Pandora’s Box had been reopened.

We flew into Puerto Vallarta and from there grabbed a taxi over to the beautiful coastal town of Sayulita. Our first order of business was to get to the house and claim our rooms. After deciding our rooms, all the guys had switched to full Mexican regalia (half opened beach shirts, worn board shorts and sandals). We needed to stock up on supplies. Jason, Vinnie and I hit the store for cerveza, Tequila and more cerveza. The first night was outstanding. We partied with the locals, checked out the tourist, ate some delicious Mexican food, and enjoyed each other’s company. After the bars closed we stumbled back to the house to continue the party. I pulled out my copy of “The Bro Code” and began to read some of the sacred articles that all Bros must abide by. Little did I know, by the end of the trip everyone would be quoting that hallowed book.

The second and third nights were just as crazy as the first. We rented some surf boards and I flirted with the cute Finnish chick working at the board shop before hitting the waves. A small group of us ventured around the mountains to an isolated beach not far from town where the waves are always perfect for body surfing. Tommy took a nasty spill against some rocks after a gnarly wave dragged him down. The look of terror on his face put us all in shock as this normally tan Sicilian went ghost white. When we finally got him to acknowledge us the first thing he said was “Am I going to get AIDS?” Vinnie the E.R. doctor gave him a puzzled look then replied “Yes. You’re going to get that rare form of South of the border underwater AIDS.” We all laughed and after Sean called a quick safety meeting everything was fine. Tommy cleaned himself off and said the part that hurt the worst was the salt water getting into his bleeding chest scrapes. We decided to head back soon after that and stopped off at a beach side resort bar for margaritas and to drink in the view of the ocean and the nearby town.

It was on the fourth day that we decided to go deep sea fishing. Since our arrival, the local merchants had been telling us about the great spots they had and we finally decided to give it a go. We were up before the sun that morning and on the beach as it was rising. Conner disappeared for a half an hour and we were about to leave without him. It was a good thing we waited because, he soon came walking down the beach towards us with two cases of beer and some breakfast of champions… jerky. We hopped in the boats and took off to the open sea.

The captain of our boat –Juan – was just a few years younger than me, but told us he’d been fishing his whole life. He knew all the best spots and if he ever forgot, he jokingly showed us where he kept his GPS locator. The first four hours were spent just drinking beer and cruising around-we weren’t getting so much as a nibble from the fish. Captain Juan was cursing at the fish for not jumping in our boat and we raced from fishing spot to fishing spot. We then noticed a dark rain clouds rolling in off in the distance and Captain Juan started getting excited. “Oh, oh, oh yeah! I see the birds. You see them? That means there’s lots of fishies in the water. Come on we go catch them now ya?!” Excited and invigorated we hurriedly reeled in our fishing poles and headed into the dark mass of the storm. As the tiny fishing boat got up on its plane, the choppy water and rain splashed in our faces. The smell of sea water filled our noses and a quiet feeling of exuberance washed over our group. Travis and I took pictures of the water and the group while everyone else maintained their eyes on that first group of birds.

It took us what seemed like an eternity to reach our first fishing spot and Conner was the first to drop his line into the water. No sooner had he dropped the line than he got his first bite. The battle was intense as Conner fought the fish, the rain, and the rocking of the boat from the waves. Captain Juan didn’t help the rocking as he jumped around the boat, keeping an eye on the line and maneuvered so it wouldn’t get caught in the outboard motor. Finally and not a moment too soon, a monster rose from the sea. A giant Yellow Fin was plucked from the ocean and after a quick photo-op was placed in the holding compartment. This continued for some time as we moved from spot to spot dropping a line and fighting to catch our prizes. Exhausted, we began the journey back to shore to compare catches with the other group. It ended up being no contest as they had gone further down shore than we did and weren’t able to fish the storm.

Captain Juan and his family filleted our catch and made ceviche for us right on the beach. We left them with some of our catch as there was no way we could ever eat it all then thanked them and left. Vinnie and Sean went to the market to get supplies for the enormous feast we were about to have. The rest of us cleaned ourselves off, changed clothes and began preparing the meal. We didn’t go to the bars that night, but instead we stayed up eating our fish, drinking cervezas, and watched the lightning storm light up the night sky. All of a sudden, someone from downstairs yelled up “Guys, we have crabs!” A poor choice of words at a bachelor party in Mexico but it got our attention. The storm had forced the crabs to leave the beach for higher ground where they settled in our pool and the lower level rooms.

By the next night we had gotten back into the groove of things. Jason had worked out a deal with the Bar Tender at El Tigre to let him DJ our last night in town and decided to take shots to seal the deal. By the time the bar closed he was passed out on a stool in the corner. We told him that it was time to leave but he said the bar tender was cool with it because he was DJing the next day. Some of us wanted to leave him there but Sean Firefighter style carried him down the treacherous staircase to the group waiting outside. As I waited with Vinnie outside, he made the suggestion that Jason’s party foul warranted a swim in the ocean. I being the instigator instantly got excited about how to make that happen. When Sean finally reached the ground floor and Jason was able to walk under his own power Sean told Vinnie and me that he needed to take a swim in the ocean. Vinnie and I laughed at the fact that we came to the same opinion.

Sean and Vinnie told me to get Jason’s wallet and iPhone from him so none of his belongings would be ruined. It didn’t take much convincing to get his phone away from him in his drunken condition. As we approached the waters edge, Jason began to notice they were walking him closer to the water. He tried to walk away, but Sean and Vinnie told him he had to go swimming. Jason started fighting back as all three of them wrestled in the water with Sean laughing the whole time. I was taking pictures on my camera and Jason’s iPhone, while the rest of the guys stood laughing on shore. After all was said and done a very angry Jason was lead back to the house to dry off and sleep until his big day.

The day came for Jason to make his Mexican debut. He spent all day working on the set list for the club full of Gringos he would be playing for. The rest of the guys and I hung out on the beach relaxing and conversing with the tourist while we fought off the local merchants. It was our job to spread the word about our friend’s show and we did our jobs well. As the sun fell and the moon rose, Jason took the stage and packed the small bar. A cute blonde asked me why I was taking pictures of the crowed bar and seemed genuinely impressed that I was friends with the DJ. I found out her name was Kristen and invited her and her friends to hang out with us. We learned that they brought two doctors with them and I joked that we only had one. Kristen’s guy friends ended up giving me the evil eye the whole night for having the nerve to speak with their friend. After Jason finished his set and the bar closed Vinnie and I invited them back to our place for one last party before heading back to the United States. Jason put on some lounge style music, while everyone sat together looking out over the ocean getting to know each other. We finally said our goodbyes to Kristen and her friends just before sunrise.

The whole trip was over too quickly and it was time to head home. We caught a taxi back to Puerto Vallarta where we flew into Los Angeles. While we weren’t all going back to the same place, we knew we would always share the memories of our adventures together. The nights of drinking and partying, the days of activities in the water, and that one night when we all found out that we had crabs.